Kadang-kadang aku rasa macam nak lari dari hidup. Sial lah, ayat tipikal sangat. Okay tak, aku tau engkau yang terbaca slot ni sebab aku tweet aku akan mula mengata-ngata dalam hati. Bicaralah engkau dengan hati itu sampai kiamat aku tak akan bersetubuh dengan kutukan, langsung!
Back, aku memang susah nak tulis satu-satu artikel. Aku akan cari mood paling sial sekali untuk tulis artikel yang sial-sial. Macam sekarang, aku rasa, diri aku ni loser. Yes, compared to the others, I am. Secara tak sengaja, aku juga salah seorang penulis untuk Zine Jiwa Seorang Loser...KAH!
Aku rasa loser sebab, selalu lambat untuk bertindak. Aku nak touch tentang aku, dan dia, dia, dia, dia dan yes, empat dia mungkin tak baca dah blog aku, tapi yes it's you... If you're reading this. Well, I hope you do. Aku selalu terlepas untuk move on, nombor 1. Aku masih sangkut mungkin hanya a little piece of it (fuck manglish) but yes, I was always too late to start an action. I always hold something till that in the end, I'll hear something like "Hey, Farhan, I think that I'm not ready for....."... and the rest of shits that a kind of it. In 6 years, it happened three times where, practically I am officially in the friend zone... and the rest it's either aku yang play fool dengan cinta diorang or aku yang break up sebab.. haha. okay, let's leave those alone.
Sometimes, tak tahu lah. Aku susah nak luahkan isi hati aku sebab, tah. Bila aku betul-betul ada hati dekat someone, and betul-betul rasa that there will be my greatest star collusion, makin kuat perasaan tu makin kaku aku. I can't even leave a strong sign, I always hope that she'll notice. Yeah, hope. Fucking loser code, right. I do stares, often attached, but that's all. I don't know what's happening I'm sorry. But when it came to a normal picking ups, I won't have such problems. Just like, easily come and talk to the lady, like hey and hye you like that oh yes I do I've been listening since yedayedayeda and there will be no problem for communication nor sharing contents. It's like hey, I'm satisfied let's dumb her and look for another kind.
like that.
But that remains history, right now, right where the heart blows the cells to the whole physical universe of system, there is someone that I... love, personally. Love, yes it's just me and myself. You may be shocked if you know it's you. But I hope you do. Since the day (some random day that I started to learn you) I started to hate bus airconds. Kadang-kadang, aku akau genggam erat penumbok aku, kadang-kadang aku bermain jari, kadang-kadang aku gigit-gigit gigi. Bila aku start dengan perangai tu, kau tahu hati aku tengah membuak-buak. Kau akan nampak mata kuyu aku...
Tapi aku masih bernasib malang, bila aku tak buat sesuatu & kekal dengan prinsip penakot. Kau mungkin, takkan notice aku, kau mungkin, satu hari nanti "Hey paan I've new...." dan jatuh beberapa minit lepas kau blah, mungkin, sebab otak aku ni kadang-kadang buffering, the day be as dark as satan's cock.
Sebab in the end, you'll marry someone else.
dah la, malas. faham-faham la. haha. mengantuk sial. bye.
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