Masih, jangan baca.

hai maaflah spam feed hang pa dengan post sampah,

Aku dah cuba nak ignore benda-benda ni tapi makin lama aku asingkan diri makin terasa dalam hati. Nak make a move tapi aku rasa cukuplah mulakan cara siber, so unprofessional. Mata ke mata, baru ada telur. Sebelum segala perjuangan tamat, empat jumaat lagi untuk ditempuh. Biar, aku rasa aku dah cukup batukan hati untuk terima seada jawapan yang diberi. Asalkan terluah picisan-picisan bom peranti masa yang duk nak kacau waktu belajar aku sekarang ni.

Al-maklum, aku berani tulis sebab ramai dah tak ikut blog ni so, haha. xx

Tak payah baca.

Tak terpadam suis neuron malam ini, bukan kerana hiba aku terhadap kegagalan ujian duniawi semalam tapi...dia. Ah, lagi, si dia yang lagi seorang, inche', ingat senang ke nak lupa kesan cinta ? Cinta yang berbekas-bekas. Stains everywhere, every footsteps, the homeland... aku mengarut lagi.

tak, bukan angau cinta, tapi masalah question marks yang belum terungkai. Kalaulah merokok boleh hilangkan rasa rindu. Mau aku hembus tiap jam. Rindu, baru rindu. Apa kau lupa aku ada masalah zing ? ni lagi teruk. Tambah lagi bila hidup sorang-sorang. Unstable...

Her. #2

I have got some clue about... this, you know as I said in my previous post since I've decided to vomit all the question marks on a friend of mine, like the way he advised me, to stay low and do nothing about it, it feels like, does it goes to the best that I could do ? I don't think so, because he's one of her "victim". We're both different. He hasn't any deeper feelings towards her but I do. So, let's just keep his words in head and bear in my throat to use them if necessary. Things were like always, it's on and off. If everything goes slow in progress, I guess, just let me use my way, it's the last resort that I could do, I'll give her my band's shirt. Long sleeves grey gildan with some graphics at front, may remind her of me cuz it's my stuff maybe ? fuck it lar haha I'm sick of it all. Cheers, all these masalah perempuan shouldn't be the biggest polemic right now, final exams ahead ! Good luck to me.

Upcoming shows !

Her #1

I kinda hate this confusion. I chose this time to spill it now for a reason. Shall I go for her ? Day by day this kind of funny emotional swings, it's getting worst. It's just that maybe I'm too afraid of confronting this kind of situation where, okay let me start. I kind of... have maybe a little bit of, or maybe huge, idk it cycles too fast... to this girl that I was... unsure about her feeling. Sometimes it looks like there's hope but some other normal days she made me feels like no I'm just getting myself too excited for it. It's been months touching a year I wasn't in any sort of relationship that made me sum up that "if there's there then, it's there". But thing is now, is it really there ? shall I unlock the box ? Because at the timeline I had after my last break, I failed about various of time. So, the confident ain't there... What shall I do man, I'm out of time.



What's in her mind ?
fuck.

Thank you, Hardcore.

Hardcore has made me overcome my fear
to speak in public,
to sing in public,
to scream in public,
to wear like a mexican gangsta in public,
to dance in public,
to share personal thoughts in public,
to help the public,
to voice out.

Hardcore has taught me
to value DIY arts,
to value friendship,
to value my life,
to build muscle,
to be a good speaker,
to understand every bits of words,
to be a good collector,
to be a petter person,
to live,
to accept human,
to understand sub-cultures,
to move on.

Hardcore has made me
involved with humanitarian activities; Makanan Bukan Periuk Api, Kolektif Sarata
an art designer; i-scrrream shoes, Skramzart
being a song writer, a vocalist; OV8HC
being a writer and poet; Zine Bebas Cukai, Jiwa Seorang Loser (so far)
involved with street demos; The Black Block of Punk & Skinhead se-Malaysia (BERSIH)

Through hardcore, friendship has expanded. USA, France, Italy, Indonesia, there is no gap.
Through hardcore, there is a term; a family. Neither wall nor barrier, the bond will remains.

An End

When I stare... and stare... and stare...
Hoping to reach the immortals,
Hoping to earn the honest proverbs,
Hoping myself to resurrect the waves.

All the motions, the lights,
I stare and I stare again...
To bits, the eyes of explorer,
by frames,
the odd syndromes... flow by one heart,

nerves,
in all circuits.

And there will be wind...
echoes frighting the lanterns,
the curse of devilish children.

Through blood and tears,
darling,
Our hope...has reached an end.

The Beddio, 0000.

Belakang-belakang, dan bawah.

I don't always agreed with those people who changed drastically. Sometimes I totally not. Like hey, you left thousand men behind for a woman upfront. What the fuck was that for ? It's your right to be who you are, what you do. But don't you care about other's feeling ? It really hurts inside.

To what extent that you suddenly want to leave us behind. Was that is what you called as moving on ? Fuck you that is betraying friendship. Yes, the phrase "Move forward, never look back". Hey, I have a totally different principle. The phrase I quoted that you just read has mad millions of people to be more greed and being thirst of negative progression. You received, you were, maybe gifted for a new ability or an idea. You surf the right flow. It's all right. But when it came to not looking back, where the hell you gonna place all these people that wasted their tears and sweats on you ? Store room ? So that when you're in need of these people you may reach them ? In a garbage dump ? Because you have tons of more talented partners ?

Bullshit.

Look behind for a bit. Look how we are doing. Care about us. We are all happy for what you are and all your achievement. For all the motivations and advices, look at you now, dear man. But we never came forward with words that spiritually allow you to simply go.

I dedicate this short article to all my friends. Please,
And in accordance with that, still call you friend because you're a friend, friend. I love you.

Just I feel like it

dapat jugak lah aku merasa, haha ! Band is doing well, now working hard on recording hope sempat release material before raya. Stay tune and love Paan Rajuli!

yesterday. and i wasn't there. fuck.

Kalau Tuhan cakap Ya, inshallah. Disember. Siap ditaja lagi tu yang tak tahan tu.

Pukimak.

Satu dua tiga empat lima enam tujuh lapan sembilan sepuluh fuck you.

Sebab kau memang (refer tajuk atas)

life aku dengan study, band, label.

pagi aku dengan kopi dan rokok.

petang aku dengan tidur dan rokok.

malam aku dengan buku dan rokok.

siang weekend, majlis-majlis seni.
malam aku berjimba. 

Rutin harian macam biasa, aku dah tak mau rasa apa-apa. Sebab rasa hanya akan tinggal rasa. Buat apa. 

Perasaan ni, aku harap kau pergi mampos cepat-cepat. Aku taknak sober dengan harapan. Berambuslah pukimak. Cinta setia kini cuma tiga. Yang paling khusyuk, Yang paling sederhana, Yang penuh dengan nafsu, Yang hari-hari aku rogol; buku, kopi dan rokok.

But darling, they don't breath...

Sebab aku taknak cerita dekat pintu bilik aku

Kadang-kadang aku rasa macam nak lari dari hidup. Sial lah, ayat tipikal sangat. Okay tak, aku tau engkau yang terbaca slot ni sebab aku tweet aku akan mula mengata-ngata dalam hati. Bicaralah engkau dengan hati itu sampai kiamat aku tak akan bersetubuh dengan kutukan, langsung!

Back, aku memang susah nak tulis satu-satu artikel. Aku akan cari mood paling sial sekali untuk tulis artikel yang sial-sial. Macam sekarang, aku rasa, diri aku ni loser. Yes, compared to the others, I am. Secara tak sengaja, aku juga salah seorang penulis untuk Zine Jiwa Seorang Loser...KAH! 

Aku rasa loser sebab, selalu lambat untuk bertindak. Aku nak touch tentang aku, dan dia, dia, dia, dia dan yes, empat dia mungkin tak baca dah blog aku, tapi yes it's you... If you're reading this. Well, I hope you do. Aku selalu terlepas untuk move on, nombor 1. Aku masih sangkut mungkin hanya a little piece of it (fuck manglish) but yes, I was always too late to start an action. I always hold something till that in the end, I'll hear something like "Hey, Farhan, I think that I'm not ready for....."... and the rest of shits that a kind of it. In 6 years, it happened three times where, practically I am officially in the friend zone... and the rest it's either aku yang play fool dengan cinta diorang or aku yang break up sebab.. haha. okay, let's leave those alone.

Sometimes, tak tahu lah. Aku susah nak luahkan isi hati aku sebab, tah. Bila aku betul-betul ada hati dekat someone, and betul-betul rasa that there will be my greatest star collusion, makin kuat perasaan tu makin kaku aku. I can't even leave a strong sign, I always hope that she'll notice. Yeah, hope. Fucking loser code, right. I do stares, often attached, but that's all. I don't know what's happening I'm sorry. But when it came to a normal picking ups, I won't have such problems. Just like, easily come and talk to the lady, like hey and hye you like that oh yes I do I've been listening since yedayedayeda and there will be no problem for communication nor sharing contents. It's like hey, I'm satisfied let's dumb her and look for another kind.

like that.

But that remains history,  right now, right where the heart blows the cells to the whole physical universe of system, there is someone that I... love, personally. Love, yes it's just me and myself. You may be shocked if you know it's you. But I hope you do. Since the day (some random day that I started to learn you) I started to hate bus airconds. Kadang-kadang, aku akau genggam erat penumbok aku, kadang-kadang aku bermain jari, kadang-kadang aku gigit-gigit gigi. Bila aku start dengan perangai tu, kau tahu hati aku tengah membuak-buak. Kau akan nampak mata kuyu aku...

Tapi aku masih bernasib malang, bila aku tak buat sesuatu & kekal dengan prinsip penakot. Kau mungkin, takkan notice aku, kau mungkin, satu hari nanti "Hey paan I've new...." dan jatuh beberapa minit lepas kau blah, mungkin, sebab otak aku ni kadang-kadang buffering, the day be as dark as satan's cock. 

Sebab in the end, you'll marry someone else.

dah la, malas. faham-faham la. haha. mengantuk sial. bye.

Makanan Bukan Periuk Api #6

Here we go, okay *hirup kopi* seperti yang anda semua maklum, 27hb April ni akan diadakan sekali lagi malam charity Makanan Bukan Periuk Api KL (MBPAKL). Jadi, biar aku bagi sedikit overview tentang event ni.

OK. First of all, untuk MBPA sebelum ni selalunya kita buat dekat area Masjid Jamek & kawasan sekitarnya. So kali ni, kami decided untuk tukar plan, MBPA akan bermula di Plaza Rakyat (Puduraya) & berakhir di BB (sungei wang). Time mungkin lari sikit tapi hopefully perjalanan kita dapat ikut masa yang ditetapkan. Here's the schedule.
______________________________________
8am-9am : Masing-masing dah keluar rumah

10am : Berkumpul di Lavender cafe , jln gurney 2 . keramat
10.1am - 4pm : Masa ni diambil untuk masak + packaging

4.30pm : Dianggarkan selesai kerja-kerja memasak & packaging. Bertolak dari Keramat.

6.30pm-7.30pm : Selamat sampai di pusat bandar. Kita berkumpul di Plaza Rakyat dekat Puduraya. Makan puas-puas, briefing & stuff.

7.30pm : Kita mula bergerak & bantu gelandangan !

10.30pm : Selamat sampai di checkpoint terakhir (Sungei Wang)

______________________________________

Important notes:

-Sumbangan bentuk kewangan boleh disalurkan ke akaun BSN : 14199-41-00002733-3 atas nama Muhammad Farhan bin Rajuli

-Siapa-siapa yang bawa baju yang ingin disedekahkan kepada gelandangan, sila bawa beg (backpack,tote,etc.) supaya lebih mudah untuk dibawa krn kita akan berjalan.

-Selain daripada makanan, umbangan berbentuk peralatan keperluan harian amatlah digalakkan. Cth: Berus gigi, ubat gigi, sabun mandi, etc.

-Jika ada inisiatif lebih, sediakan sedikit makanan juga untuk kucing-kucing & anjing-anjing jalanan. Mereka juga nak makan ! :D

-Kepada rakan-rakan yang mempunyai motor & kereta, pertolongan anda untuk bawa makanan dan peralatan amatlah dihargai :')

-Juga kepada kawan-kawan yang ada videocam, camera, etc., kalau boleh bawa itu lagi bagus !

-Sila hubungi Paan @ 017-3177382 , Dfan @ 0172366727 untuk sebarang pertanyaan.

MORE UPDATES SOON! peace.

Here we go again, CHARITY!

Segala perkara tentang Makanan Bukan Periuk Api edisi #MBPA6 akan ditulis esok pagi. Mohon kawan-kawan yang nak join sila baca dengan penuh perasaan. Preparation seminggu dan hopefully hari kejadian semua berlangsung dengan baik ! Semoga tidak dikacau pihak bertanggungjawab (yang tak bertanggungjawab), semoga bahan-bahan tidak dibazirkan, semoga ramai yang participate, semoga cuaca baik, semoga punctual, semoga kita selamat, semoga semua puas hati. Aminnnnn !!!

Bad April

It's a bad April.

I'm facing a really bad month. Almost everything go against me, till there's this time that I gave up in life. The world was like just not being fair at me at all. Hell yes the world is an unfair destination with the existence of monsters like Salmah the Butcher and Kalsom Joss. I felt like the world will be a better wet ball without the existence of me. Like idk, so unfair.

Almost lost everything. I've lost my beloved laptop. Crush ran away to a better guy, didn't managed to sleep at night, assignments...*sigh* I've lost is my friends, no they're not dead, they're still breathing the oxygen but not in what's beating inside. Since the system that has taken me as their lab rat, it's not fun being experimented. I stuck in a busy world like being programmed by myself. I've chose this path and I'm not regret. I am losing some of my "lepak" friends. So do my close friends... Not blaming anyone, just a bad April. A really bad April.

Ain't nobody got time for that !

Yo listen, where do I start, okay election is coming, you know there's a great fight among ourselves blaming each other. I'm not talking about the ones with salary worth more than 5k or 6k. I'm talking about me and you who sits hear and read all my bullshits that I wrote in the internet. Why? You'll figure out later. I'm literally upset with how we, the middle-class society think about someone's having bad ideas or different perspective than ours. You don't know sometimes that we're the one who swallowed all the lies.

Why don't we listen ? When somebody is talking about some ideologies or issues or maybe some crappy foods that they love to eat, we easily got pissed and straight away giving Super Comba 500x double sweet punch (I'm still learning English, ignore my crappy language just get the concept, bruh.) Come on people, sometimes there will be a little bit truth in that speech, maybe something that may generate our gears, to oil up the system, to have this little moment to think about it! Come on man, just listen to that man. Let him speak first. Let him vomit what he's been fed before. You'll get the whole idea. The idea may consist of the other five person who might also think like he does. Analyse the idea, go back home and save the world! *tutup lampu bilik*

Let me shorten up a bit, it's been months since my last post so, I'm just warming up. I've been arguing with my close friend about GE13. When that man has not given any space in his neurons to try to accept what the opponent's idea. Like dude? I know you have the patriotism spirits in you but come on, human makes mistakes, human lies, human are meant to be greedy! You know, acting like a pro-party supporters while you don't really know what's happening up there. I don't trust TV news. So, these creatures won't surrender easily. They keep stepping on our foreheads as we are trying to leave the shadow. And these may helps you maaaybe for just a pinch of salt, but you may try!

(1)Get to know who you're arguing with. (2) Let them speak everything that they feel about something. (3)Not your interest? Well fuck that just talk about McDonald's McBullshit. (4)Your favorite topic? Go with it, let them spit everything first. (5)Say "Ok" and yeah, shift to a new conversation. (6)Go home and study the fact. (7)if you're right about something than don't waste on a rubbish chats. Find some good arena to spread your ideas, get a hall and starts a forum. (8) they refuse to change topic? you're not in a debate league so, just kill him. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT !